Stamped and Paid for

Jenina San Miguel

2008-06-03T19:04:00.002+10:00

watched the highly recommended clip of binibining pilipinas 2008 regardin jenina san miguel. and the response of ruffa gutierrez - former binibining pilipinas representing the banana republic in the miss world pageant. here's some after thoughts.

ok fine, jenina does not seem like the type of girl who can power up a nuclear reactor with her brain power. and i agree with wat the former binibining pilipinas said regarding dat physical beauty shouldn't be the sole deciding factor of an beauty pageant. but when did speaking english become synonymous with having a brain? to attack someone's intellect by saying they can't speak proper english is absurd to say the least.

everything in life is about choices, even in a country where 95% of population can speaks english, u can still choose not to speak english. its thoses choices that represent one's character's, that is also an important character in being a beauty queen, among other things.

2008-05-25T16:23:00.002+10:00

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion with which the physician within you heals your sick self, Therefore trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.

Life is Now, Not 2morow, Not Yesteday

2008-04-21T21:25:00.002+10:00

cliche?

u bet, but how many ppl can actually do dat? sooner or later, responsibility and uncertaity of 2morow kicks in.

u might wonder wats with all the recent melancholy entries? truth is, i'm not so sure myself.. might have been the weather, might be becuz i'm in a phase. wat ever it is, it made me see something. somethin else.

i've been playing/coaching my mix basketball team. and just now, i realize some of the mistake i've been makin as a coach, all the time i'm thinking of pushing my team, to push them and to squeeze out of them wat ever i can. to bring out the best in ppl. i thought i was doin wats good for them and my team, wat a silly dumb ass i am. i've fall for the rookie mistake of believin in the good nature of human being. of all ppl, i should've know wats in the festering depth of human soul.

some ppl just can't be dealt with dat way, wat i have been doin so far only works on ppl who are able, keen, young and naive. or determined. it doesn't work on seasoned professionals who live their life from one high to another. not too bad a way to live life i must say, its like living life through a gigantic drug induced roller-coaster.

anyway, dat is a little bit beside my point. now i've thought about it, its more about how to give them tools to enhance their abilities. much like our stone age fore-fathers. see, the nature of the beast has not changed through thousands of years of evolution. and may never be. all u can really do is just give them a sharpened wood and hope like hell they'll bring back the bacon.

2008-04-12T18:48:00.002+10:00

"i will find u rathaman !!", upon which the reply was " i will destroy u first!"

one of the things about 80's cartoon dialog is dat nobody seems to notice these stupid come backs by the bad guys. mayb that's y the heroes of those cartoon always have a chance not because they are heroic but because the bad guys are just too dumb...

not sure if anybody still remembers conan the adventurer? its basically conan the barbarian, fighting against these snake men, except these snake men are disguised as human, so how do u know they are in fact, snake men? hmm? well, other than the fact that these snake men wear the same uniform even when they are still disguised as humans, conan also has a sword which can reveal their true forms, but there's one catch to this mighty useful sword, it can't actually kill any of these snake men! all it can do is send them to another dimension. so u dont actually get the satisfaction of revenge but u do have to worry about these bad guys having a comback if the series proves to be profitable and the tv executives decided to milk it for a few more seasons of it.

2008-04-06T22:49:00.003+10:00

our lives are so short.

i'm in my mid-20's and already, i feel as if a huge part of my life has already slipped away from me, i was a slave in every part of my life up to this point, i did everything i did to survive, wether it be socially or financially. now when i finally decide to live my life and suddenly i dont even know where to start. i am now trapped in a path of constantly having to move forward as a professional, because everything i did up to now is to make sure that i will keep on moving forward in this path. so in layman's term i have pretty much dug a hole for myself and more importantly, the hole is starting to collapse as well.

there is no end to this path, holidays and weekend are just a diversion to numb the pain, while every day i kill myself slowly with my own fear and in-decisiveness. is this fate? and is dis how we fight our fate? by correcting our own mistakes? i can't help but wonder........

back again with more gibberish and

2008-03-05T00:14:00.002+11:00

from the daily grind, meaningless and in-consequential existence, all day long we try to validate the meaninglessness of our work, our existence, our life, tryin to give it some sort of meaning, so with each passing day, we lie to ourselves and tell ourselves we have made a difference.. absorbed in our little world, and assuming the universe is as shallow as our deepest thought.....

in truth, there is not much difference to be made, anything we do is in-consequential and ultimately amount to nothing, and we will always be absorbed in the little worlds we created around ourselves, but mayb, the single most important thing in life is being able to do wat u want and gets away with it.

accepting the meaninglessness of it all and be brave enough to live on and fight it out, and preserve the very core of your being until the very last. BE STRONG, BE VERY STRONG.

herbie: Fully Loaded

2007-01-13T18:07:00.000+11:00

its probably the crappiest movies of all time, i think there should be a criminal charge for making crappy movie like that.

bulk of the story is about lindsay lohan using Herbie to win races, because other than being a really old and crappy car, Herbie is a sentient being, therefore he will kick the asses of all other race cars, never mind the horse power, the engine and the milage, they don't stand a chance against a car that can honk its own horns.

there is one bit of the story that made me so mad, i made an alternative story line.

-- Herbie was sold by lindsay lohan to her arch rival because he offer her a sweet deal, and this is all after she found out about Herbie being a honking, winking sentient being.

so the arch-rival did wat every bad guy in the story suppose to do, he went medieval on Herbies ass, YEAH! (sorry, got a bit carried away there) anywayz, Herbie got his windshield smashed, the engine was ripped apart, which probably dint made things any different, tires was busted. yeah, Herbie's shit was all bang-ed up.

after all that lindsay lohan somehow felt guilty for her betrayal, so she got to the junkyard, found Herbie, and apologized to Herbie, hoping things are gonna be alright again. and Herbie was apparently ok with it after someone went all medieval on his ass, and was gonna offer his sevices again. --

-- alternate world story line -

Herbie: fuck you bitch, u dint think about me wen u sold me for a newer model, now you want me back? i busted my chops for you, and you sold me? do u know who i am? do u know who i am? i'm Herbie, bitch.

lindsay lohan: yeah, fuck you too, stop crying like a bitch about wat u went through and shit, yeah so wat i sold u? like u wouldn't do the same to me if u could? I just happen to be prettier than u and human, u are just an old ass busted car.

Herbie: oh yeah? well, u just burnt this bridge for good u hoe, u can walk ur ass to the race 2morow....

@ this point lindsay lohan set fire to the car and Herbie crashed into lindsay lohan, so they both died of fiery death.

the end.

christmas spirit

2006-12-15T20:41:00.000+11:00

read one of the blog by a frend from the old school.. and i must say its an awsome line. dont know how he came up with it, must be on some alcohol and Xtacy induced moments of clarity.

" Adults must not allowed to be happy. If you're old enough to drink, you should be old enough to know that life is nothing but meaningless suffering and pain, punctuated only by moments of alcohol-induced euphoria that quickly dissolves into a cesspool of misery. "

haha, how unfortunate, how true this turns out to be..... happy moments in life is so fleeting and so fragile, it doesnt take much to destroy it.

its sad how much blood has to be spilt to make beautiful poetry and heart-moving songs.

even though the world is sad and a horrible place, i dont want to be sad and depressed all the time. it makes a person looks older.

gods and prophets - part II

2006-10-14T20:46:00.000+10:00

brother charity stood in the middle of the candle lit circle. he took a deep breath and waved the ceremonial preists to move the huge roasted pig onto the altar, an almost invisible cloud begins to appear. brother charity signalled the ceremonial priests to leave the room.

the cloud is clearly visible now, its beginning to take on different shapes, brother charity found some of the shapes rather amusing, especially one of the shapes looked like someone enjoying a rather large roast pig immensely.

" ahem.... "
brother coughed politely when it seem like the cloud shapes have finished with the roast pig and looked like is having a smoke.....
"yes?"
the cloud replied
"oh mighty and gracious god of my ancestors, i am ur humblest servant........."
"err.... actually... "
the cloud interrupted brother charity and sounds slightly embarassed
"yes?"
brother charity wasn't expecting this but nevertheless he managed to shown the face of a very humble and confused servant
"i'm actually the god of next sand patch... ahem... u see... aha, you'll probably find it funny, but my mate i.e. your god, i made a deal with him, i can have this sacrifice in exchange for the front row seat in the epic battle between evil barbaric nomad of sand patch # 3 and the valiant and heroic sand dweller of sand patch # 22, its goin to be fight to the end ! till both sides run out of weapons and rocks ! until the heroes triumph. there is goin to be drama ! heroism ! and probably romance involving ladies of sand patch # 4 ......" the cloud realized it was getting a bit too animated for a priest "but lo and behold !! thy god is worthy of praise and sacrifce. be steadfast in your faith and thy shall be well rewarded !"
and the cloud disappeared leaving brother charity looking bewildered, he stood there quietly while mentally replaying what just happend.

while brother charity is slightly dis-oriented another cloud is forming in front of the altar.
"lo and behold ! i am the god of your ancestor, your protector and shepherd, i will deliver vengeance on the wicked and rewards that which is good to my eyes...."
"er... excuse me, mighty and holy spirit"brother charity looked slightly suspicious, "but how do i know you ARE really the god of MY ancestors?"

the cloud was silent for a moment and then replied
"well, this can go either way boy, i could smite you with thunderbolt right now to make damn sure, or you can just take my word for it, so tell me wats it gonna be?"

"the holy and mighty spirit, the god of my ancestors... i am your most humble servant" brother charity replied radiating with reverence.

"holy spirit, i came on behalf of my people, as you can see we are having some trouble with the animal stock this year, and the crops isn't producing as much compared to the previous years.."

"hmm... have you looked in your midst for any un-godly behaviour?"

"yes, my god, we have been particularly strict in that department."

" i see, you have covered your basis there" the cloud replied

" and also i was wondering if i could re-negotiate some of the old testament we agreed upon in the year of burning albatross" brother charity made a daring effort

"we'll i'm not a un-reasonable god, you may speak, my humble servant"

"we would like to have a discount on famine and plague, while reducing some of the exisiting sacrifice arrangements and re-define a few commandments" brother charity choosed his words as carefully as some one watching a baby taking a first step.

"hmmm.. i am willing to grant u a discount on famine and plague, and while reducing the sacrifice is not particularly pleasant in itself but i'm willing to grant it due to the current state of the population" the cloud replied " BUT, CHANGING commandments, hmmm you are treading on thin grounds here, which commandments you wish to re-discuss?"

"well, you see, holy spirit," brother charity looked rather relieved as the seemingly harder part of the negotiation has gone through rather smoothly, " some of the priest is un-satisfied with the current state of the respect from the masses, and for oath breakers, can we change punishment from sermon session to stonning?"

"aha, actually stonning is a no go area, you will have to stick with sermon sessions, and with regards to respect from the masses, what have you got in mind?"

"some of the priest was suggesting maybe we can get an monthly thunderbolt allowance?"

"ha! that is also a no go area, you have any idea how much those things costs? that would be an extra roast pig per priest per month for thunderbolt allowance" the cloud replied "plus, you wouldn't want that many thunderbolt, its not as cracked up as it use to be." the cloud trying to use small talk to cheer up a slightly depressed brother charity.

"maybe we can have the excess thunderbolt on credit?" brother charity made a half hearted suggestion

"absolutely not! all credits expire after a month, there will be no roll-over for un-used credits. and plus thunderbolts are specificly forbidden for use on dart boards in the priest quarters. its in the don'ts of the user manual."

"oh...."

"well, if there is nothing else, i call this meeting ajourned. now somebody better clean this mess up, or else some one might need a rubber shoes allowance, if u know what i mean, ahaha, just kidding, but no seriously" with that, the cloud disappeared with thundering noise.

more interlude

2006-07-24T21:21:00.000+10:00

this song is called wishing

[Masta Ace]
I wish the president would stop lyin'
Black babies stop cryin'
And young brothers stop dyin'
I wish the police would stop killin'
Politicians a stop stealin' and actin like they not dealin'
When they know they got bricks in the street
At the country club fixin' to eat
I can see em' now
I wish we'd get this shit figured out
And stop goin' the trigger route
And actin' all niggered out
On the block with the nine cocked
I wish we'd try and stop, (what?) stop wishin' for the prime box
I wish she wasn't so obsessed with death
Tell me is it cuz we blessed with less?
I don't know really
I wish the world was safer, I'm scared to travel abroad
That's why, I travel with the Lord
I wish the cabs would stop for me in the rain
I know you wanna call me insane, I'm a dreamer.

martin luther king Jr : I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. i have a dream.

[Edo. G]
I wish my pops didn't die when I was seven years old
If there's life after death, is heaven this cold?
I wish I could wipe the tears of all the cryin' mothers
Wish new york niggas didn't start flyin' colors
I wish my people stop avoiding the truth,
BET stop poisoning youth
We need changes for teenagers as they go through phases
More than just a concrete jungle the world got green acres
I wish I'd been more diligent
Smart cats rhyme militant the rest rhyme ignorant
I wish the world didn't give us funny looks
Think we all just dummies and crooks
Athletes and entertainers singin' hooks
We need more black babies, that's in the books
I wish god could take away the pain
I know you wanna call me insane, I'm a dreamer.

[Edo. G]
I wish I didn't get searched when I come through customs
I wish Christians stop beefin' with Muslims
Wish the poor didn't have to take welfare
Wish America had universal healthcare
Cuz there aint' no help here, in a country where we don't fight fair
The American dream becomes a nightmare
It's all hype here, and on this track my soul I might bare
I wish Bush just get outta office
Before he start world war three and try to off us
It won't cost him, but it'll cost us
And right now, believe me you lost us.

its about wishing something better for our ppl, a better future, (not just black ppl, all our ppl suffering in poverty)

but sometimes it just seems so hard, in all honesty i dont know wat would make the world a better place, or even if its possible to begin with, in the end, there is no point dwelling on anger and sadness, we do wat we can and be as happy as we can.... life is too short, no more heartaches.

interlude

2006-07-21T20:01:00.000+10:00

what is godliness? is it really closely followed by cleanliness? if so, then someone who takes showers 3 times a day is closer to godliness than say someone who takes shower 2 times a day? well, is it then that the ones who dont take shower at all is classified as heathens? and what if you are naturally smelly, and even if you take shower three times a day there is just no way of gettin rid of that smell? will you at least get points for tryin? if someone who smells good all the time can get into heaven, then maybe the ppl who smells but still tries can be allowed in heaven as well? he/she probably wont be allowed to sit on the couch and will have to take the corner sit in a small stool but nevertheless, allowed in heaven?

couple of days ago, i was BUZZed by someone from internet, the conversation went something like this....

A: yo, anybody there? BUZZZZ
me: yeah, who dis?
A: asl pls
me: ..........................
A: age sex location?
me: 24, m, africa
A: bye

funny, if i was to guess, A is probably a dude with a bad acne

gods and prophets - part 1

2006-06-02T17:52:00.000+10:00

wats is better? not to know or not wishing to know? and if you do stumble upon the inconvenient truth wat would you do? and if we are not ready for the changes that is demanded from us? living with the truth while hopelessly wishing for the impossible.

it was a small town, what is notable about this town is that it has a temple, and that temple was inconveniently packed with ppl, on this particular day somethin spectacular is about to happen....

a small dot appear on the horizon where the desert and the sky joined together. it becomes bigger and bigger, eventually the dot become a man on the donkey, the man looked dignified, or as dignified as possible when wraped around a loin cloth that looked like its been through some very severe and questionable journey. the donkey slowly trotted into the town, and then stoped outside the temple.

at this point the a young acolyte run down the temple stairs towards the man, and slapped him heavily on the back....

"brother charity, we have missed your company, you see......"

brother charity stopped him in mid-sentence and made a drinking gesture and croaked out the words "wwwaterr"

the young acolyte noded and magically whiped out a cup filled with water. brother charity drained half the cup and put it down slowly.

" good god !! dat is good water, young toodle!! is this the water you gathered from the sacred pound?"
"er... dont know how to tell you this, sir, ahmm, the sacred pound dried up 2 months ago, and we only have the water from the lake at the back of the pound, near the bush where you used to live" brother charity stared at young toodle for a moment and then asked

"the pound where all the kids go in for a swim?"
"the very same sir!"
"you mean to say, i am drinking from the small lake where brother pick takes his pupil over for fishing lessons?, our brother pick, whom is known to have a bladder problem?!"
"err...." young toodle looked a bit embarrassed but manage to mumble out those words "you were away sir, we thought it would make you feel more at home if u were to drink from the small lake where you used to live...." brother charity looked uncertain for a moment and then put down the cup meaningfully and said "oh, i see, very well then, i suppose beggars cant be choosers", "sir?" young toodle looked hopeful,

"will you be talking to the gods this day?"
"hmm? oh yes i suppose so, er, the ceremony of the moon fully prepared?"
"yes sir!"
"very well, let get on with it then."

brother charity marched into the temple, ignoring the glances of the ppl, whom incidentally is showing their deep respect by trying to squeeze into the far corner of the temple hall. the chief priest hailed at brother charity.

"finally back eh? is about time too!! you sure took your time, u know back in our day.... " brother charity hurriedly walked past the chief preist "oh yes, your reverence, i wish i can stay and chat but aha, we must not make the gods wait... " and with that brother charity left the angry chief priest and storde into inner chamber of the temple.........

2006-05-29T21:20:00.000+10:00

women's intuition, do u or should you believe it? i personally think we should, wat ever the alternative, its a lot better than getting that look and the "i told you so" line for the rest of ur days 2gether.

and wat a cut-throat world we live in, tsk. cant even spell cut-throat without some1 tryin to charge you for it. well, thank you very much, i'll definitely come to you if i need services wif my vocabulary.

an old not-so-close but quite-alright frend is getting hitched. engagement party, man, feel like goin to be a bit out of place, wats wif all the white ppl dude? thought u're my real nigga? oh yeah, i forgot, u r white 2.

why is 16 and under can only have sex wif ppl who is 2 years younger or older than them? i mean sex is sex, dont matter how old the participants are.

vat the hell, vat the hell. was talking 2 some1 couple of days ago, helped me remember stuff about boy frend material, frendz material, husband material and toy boy material. realize how women and men are not just on totally diff page, its a complete different book al-together. men thought love is like russian roulette, u drop ur dice and hope good old dame fortune bring u a huge pot, after all the chips been lost, when u are down on ur trouser, u suddenly realize women have been playing chess all along, and it was touch-move with clocks.

never have good experience wit "aren't u suppose to tell me something?" just never can seem to get that one right.

apparently there is a case of bird flu in the city, and in kfc 2, i just had some kfc the other day, well at least enough kfc to make me feel really sick, word of advice, dont eat 10 wicked wings in 1 go, or mayb just not to eat it wif terrence. its gotta be one of them.

fortune telling

2006-05-17T00:08:00.000+10:00

its one of those thing that u sort of get scamed into, i found myself sitting in front of computer doin one of those fortune telling crap. and i got this.

You should really start meeting more people as you could find the love of your life

and i got all that just by inputing my name. so nice of them .... wat else can anyone hope for?

gospel of judas

2006-05-09T17:32:00.000+10:00

gospel of judas, actually it meant something more than just a lost chapter of the bible. it represent the diversity of christian faith back in the old day.

the judas gospel was discovered in the late 40's, sometime after the 2nd world war, somewhere in egypt. the farmer who found it didn't know wat it was, so he sold it to the local antiquity shop and was then stolen, at this point nobody knows wat it actually was. eventually the document found its way into an antique dealer and she forwarded it to an scholar coz she was curious as to wat the document is, then they realized wat they have is the gospel of judas. then the document was carefully restored, tested for authenticity and finally translated.

the gospel of judas tells dis story, during the last supper, jesus set out a challenge for all his disciples, turns out none of them were up to the challenge, except judas, and jesus then said to judas, the kingdom of heaven is a realm where no angel have ever set eyes on, and god is beyond any heart to comprehend and then he taught judas in private. where judas said, he had a vision where all the other disciple were stoning him to death and he was deeply troubled by it. and jesus said, he has a task for him and his name will be trampled on, and he will be hated and go through a great deal of trouble, upon which Judas said " but wat good is it to me?" (no bullshit). then jesus told him he will get into heaven and his star will shine brighter than any other stars in the sky.

so instead of judas betraying jesus, it was a case of jesus arranged his own death, which seems quite consistent with the other prophecies and gospels. for more information on the subject, look up nostics, a very small group probably got only 100,000 members in the world, they have some different spiritual belief which seem like a branch of early christianity.

dont think i painted a very good picture, but religion always been a murky subject, eveyrbdy have different perspective on wat and how god is.

inspired by easter friday news paper

2006-04-14T11:38:00.000+10:00

i'm not sure how many ppl actually read Herald Sun or Andrew Bolt's column. its hard to describe wat i think of him, lets say if i was on a panel of judges i will grudgingly give him 7/10.

most of his articles are fairly right winged. he seem quite dismissive of abo culture, supports the war on iraq, feel threatened by the divided loyalty of the immigrants.(i just painted u a picture, now use ur imagination) and thanks to all the idiots that coming up in our world these days, (i'm gonna mention one just in a minute) he looked liked a saint. but honestly, he does have a point sometime, its just that he has to add a few inflammatory phrases in his column, which pretty much ruined his chance of convincing anybody.

oh and this idiot muslim preacher said something similar to this "....... 1 rape every 10 seconds, hmph, those women only got themselves to blame......" yeah like being held at gunpoint and then being raped is her fault, especially since the rebel soldiers just murdered the whole village. tsk, wat a asshole

one of my short story, mayb i can be a writer? hehe

2006-03-22T21:46:00.000+11:00

its a small room, the window is open and the night breeze gently shuffle the drapes. he looked over his shoulder and stare at those long and slender legs, his gaze slowly move up from those delicate toes to her back and her long black hair. as if noticing his stare, she pulled up the bed sheet to cover her body. he turned back his head and griped the bed as hard as he could but he knows there is no point, he is trapped. she can manipulate him anyway she wants, and she knows it.

every now and then she calls him out to make love, and as soon as she is done, she cast him aside as casually as if he is nothing more than a piece of used tissue. at first he tried to make her happy, he tried to be tender and loving but somehow that only made it worse, it only made the whole process a lot more painful. now all he wants is to get even, after each time they made love, he become more callouse and rough, he wants her to feel the pain he feels. and she thoroughly enjoys it, she enjoys manipulating him, enjoys seeing him being helpless and angry and frustrated. she enjoys seeing him acting like a beast being cornered and slowly being wear down by the hunter's every spear thrust. she loves it and she'll play this game until the beast lays down and surrender any will to fight.

in his heart, he still hopes for the girl he once loved to come back, to wake him from this vicious cycle of retribution and hate. but he often thought about it, and he knew in his heart its never goin to be, the wounds may heal, but the scar will never disapper. it can't be ignored and it will always bring up bitter memories filled with anger, sadness and helplessness. mayb one day he can put it all behind him and move on, start a brand new journey, in a distant land, to be a stranger in a foreign land.

savage cows and the cabbage leaves

2006-03-13T19:06:00.000+11:00

i'm battling some inner demons at the moment, will not be able to blog for a while. can't even focus my thoughts together. guess i'm just too tired..........

will publish my short story as soon as i finish writing it. it just feel like its not ready to be labeled as finished product yet. and at the rate things are goin not sure when will this be, but will endeavor to find inspiration. and hopefully the lady will show me her favor

erhmmmzz

2006-02-15T23:25:00.000+11:00

been sick for nearly the whole week now, after the earlier attempt of tryin to create a milo porridge combination, one of the most brilliant ideas men can came up with when ur brain is cooking slowly on 39 degrees heat.... i decided i have plenty of other stuff to eat, like water (its not considered drinking when u have to eat it wif a spoon) .

and for some strange reason, the door knockers seems to choose this couple of days to keep on hittin this area, first there was the Christians, the it was the jehovah's witnessess(??) and earlier today the one nut dat is the hardest to crack, charities. its always easier to say "yeah sure, why not?" when ppl are trying to ask for a piece of ur soul, but its a bit harder to say the same when it comes as a 12 months committment package at couple of dollars a day plus expenses.... tsk tsk

our house is now in a lot more mess than it was, although previously i never would've thought that was physically possible, but u have to be impressed by humanity's uncanny ability to improvise and adapt to the extreme, when faced with a choice of being lazy or clean up.

colosseum, the most racist game up to date

2006-02-05T23:32:00.000+11:00

colosseum is basically a game where you play as a gladiator and fight your way to freedom through series of bouts in different arena. and here is why its the most racist game up to date.

the game lets you choose as to which tournament you wish to enter. so i chosed royal rumble, the description says survive to be the last man. so its quite a surprise when my gladiator enters the arena, he gets gang banged by the other 9 gladiators. and yeah, my gladitor happens to be black and the other 9 is white. ladies and gentlemen of the jury, i rest my case

10% luck, 20%skills, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain

2006-01-30T17:43:00.000+11:00

had a really obscure dream last night.

so, i was with dis chick in the restaurant/pub and we're talking talking then started kissing, it was kinda wet for some reason, anyway, this dude sitting nxt to us started getting funny wif my woman, he was trying to touch and stuff, so i grab his wrist and said "fuck off dude, nobody try anything funny wif my woman." so the bloke stood up, i stood up too, and in my dream i know i'm a bit drunk and i know i can't swing a punch at the condition i'm in, so wat i did was i run all the way outside, grabed a 2 by 2, and swinged at him. droped him in 1 swing. i was disgusted, coz it was a really weak swing. anyway, he was on the floor, so i bashed him a couple more times until he was sorry or unconscious, can't remember, but hopefully un-conscious. then it was like fast forward. and i was at the same restaurant/pub again, the same dude was there, and dis time he got a hammer, and i also have a small hammer and for some reason i'm still kinda drunk. and so he charged at me wif the hammer, and i dodged it. aha. and grabed his hammer and droped him onto the floor, and i know dis time i've got to finish him and send him to kingdom come. but for some reason i couldn't do it, i know its either me or him but i just can't do it. so, in that split second i know i was dead. then flash, i was at the same place again!! dis time the same motherfucker came at me wif a hammer and chisel and i was un-armed. i know its a dream but i started to feel a bit ridiculous and then i was watching myself, like an out of body experience and i thought. wat the hell is he gonna do with dat? hammer and chisel me to death? who takes a hammer and chisel to a fight? anyway, i got a few hits here and there and then bang i woke up....

wat an obscure dream

redemption impossiball

2006-01-21T00:46:00.000+11:00

good god !

i never thought dat day would come. but it came, the son killed the father. there is no way to redeem myself, unless renald can grow an extra 10 feet in height.

stan "tookie" williams

2006-01-10T20:08:00.000+11:00

stanley william is a gang banger. he was convicted and sentenced to death. in fact his execution was quite recent, just a couple of weeks before christmas i think. there is something different wif dis gangster though. he's a nobel 'peace' prize nominee.

wat happend wif stan william is dat, while he was in solitary confinement, he started learning stuff and basically changed his persona, instead of a being a notorious gangster who founded the crips he campaigned for an end to the street violence, he tried to reach out to kids and teenagers and even appealed to his former gang members to stop the killings.

someppl say, anybody can be nominated for nobel prize, so according to them the whole thing is a publicity stunt by the non-death penalty supporters. well, bullshit, not anybody can be nominated, candidates are nominated by qualified ppl who have received invitation from the nobel committee, so u cant nominate u self or u spouse. wat really annoyed me was that its all prejudice disguised as righteous anger, fuck dis shit. i would be more tolerant to their veiw if they just come out and say, well he use to be a gang banger and we dont care if he changed or not we want him hang because we are mean, frustrated haters.

stanley william himself have not confessed of his crime, which was the murder of 4 ppl during an armed robbery, although he claim he was convicted by an all-white jury, he mayb playing up the story, who knows? truth is always the first casualty of war, especially in information and media war. but i think there is a sincere effort there to repent for past mistakes, and the real funny thing is he JUST GOT to be executed even though he put so much work into ending the violence, actually no, better make it ESPECIALLY because he puts so much effort into ending the street wars. u see its an perfect example of hard stance of government on street war. zero tolerance. its a tragedy but such is life. life is a comedy for ppl wif a dysfunctional sense of humor.

jolly fucking good holidaze

2006-01-03T01:03:00.000+11:00

christmas and new year is finally over!! ok, as a rule, christmas is the lowest point in the year 4 me. everything feel like a fucking blur. just today i fell asleep on the couch in the afternoon around 3pm, and dats when i just woke up around 12 o'clock after 11 hours of sleep.

i dont even feel like myself anymore these couple of weeks, most of the time i dont even know wat the hell i'm doin, (hmm, guess something stays the same dont matter wat u do) i dunno mayb i havn't been playing guitar for too long, mayb i havn't had enough time to think. mayb i'm just too un-motivated, and the truth is of course, somewhere between all of the above.

reflecting about the last 6months, i guess there is always something that kept me busy, 3 days of uni everyweek, check out chicks in buseco and then hangin out wif the muiss ppl + 2 days of work, and yellow beans abused my optus phone on a almost daily basis because of yes time. tsk moochers =) hehe, actually i kinda missed talking to beans, she annoys the hell out of me sometime but u really get used to her voice, its almost a bit like renzi's cooking, u know its rubbish but its really delicious and "bouncy" rubbish and u just cant stop u self from eating it

well, new year is coming, although really its the same as yesterday and probably goin to be the same 2morow, although i'm secretly hoping 2morow will be better.

RUSSIAN DOLLS

2005-12-20T22:31:00.000+11:00

this follow up to the movie SPANISH APARTMENT is due for release dis boxing day!!!

ok for those who havn't watched spanish apartment yet, its about group of 7 international students from different european countries living together in one barcelona apartment for 1 year. and the russian dolls is the continuation of the story 5 years after spanish apartment. all the 7 original housemates are brought back together again. and this time...?

i guess the reason i'm so excited by this movie is it sort of shows a glimpse of wat future might hold. ok imagine dis, its the equivalent of all of us meet up again after 5 years time at some1's wedding say:paul, wat will it be like? its just so full of anticipation, so much feelings, memories, and of course the future.

dec 19, 2005

2005-12-19T19:32:00.000+11:00

havn't written anything as of late, partially because i'm a bit worried that i might write something mushy, but mostly because there isn't anything that really motivates me. up to today, haha.

some of you already know that, for the last 2 weeks, my boss have hired an extra help, so by unspoken agreement, i was promoted to middling, and is showing the new underling around the place while overling goes about his routine "business". so middling has been working twice as hard, he now not just have to make the routine stuff happens but also have to clean up the mess made by the undeling, who is less grateful than he should be. but since middling is an easy goin guy, he dont really care. up till today dat is, here's wat happend:

before middling left for the long weekend last week, he specificly told the underling to get on wif the chloride sulphate sample on friday, make sure he do as many as he can, and watever he can't finish middling will wrap it up on monday. so its a bit of shock for the middling when he got back on monday morning, and found all 6 samples sitting there staring at him. none of which was prepared. man, underling could've at least did 1. i mean dats at least a token effort, but being the soft guy that he is, middling thinks underling might have some very good excuses such as, underling is born wif incompetency syndrome, and is naturally lazy, and have recently catch the "corners" disease.

i mean middling will be the first to admit dat its a boring job, but its a PAID boring job, u get paid and u get the work done. i must admit, i got the underling to do the job because i was hoping i won't have to do it on monday but its called delegate. is it really too much to ask?! hmm?

poverty

2005-12-03T12:53:00.000+11:00

think for 1 minute about the difficulty and hardship of ppl living in poverty. i'm not here to spew out loads of self-righteous crap about how hard or difficult it is for poverty stricken ppl to live through each day.

more worldly ppl tend to say, well, fight against poverty is all good but i got to feed my self and my family, if i don't take care of my own shit ain't nobody else gonna do it for me..... and i totally agree with that, how can u help others when u can't help uself? but, and its a big BUT, i also don't agree that we should hide behind these excuses (no matter how valid they are), yes get wat u want and need but also think about how we can help others.

i'm not goin to criticize ppl on how they spend their money on luxury when it can be put to better use else where, we are only human, it is how we are, there is no point in denying our god-given nature. i do not see one person better than another if he/she choose to give money to charity instead of buying sports car or expensive jewelry. its every1's choice, i think we should try to understand instead of to judge, judgin has never gotten us anywhere. we can only hope to inspire and raise awareness of who ever we can, and hope against hope that mayb we can make a difference in the world. even if not in our time, but mayb someday.

i have given this some serious thoughts, here's wat i plan to do, first i'm gonna get rich, and then start my own company and once i have expanded it to a decent size, i'll focus the company into pro-bono work for third world countries, mayb improve infrastructures, better drainage systems, better access to water supplies. even just to provide better access to basic needs. in some poverty stricken countries ppl need to walk half a day just to get fresh water for their family, if we can make it easier for them to do that, they can have more time to either spend it wif their family or spend the time in better pursuit, i just think everybody should be allow to spend time wif their family and loved ones, no one should be denied the simplest pleasure in life, even though it happens all the time.

mayb some ppl will think i'm some deranged, self-righteous asshole, they're probably right and i cant change how ppl see me, sometime u don't need a reason to not like somebody, u not liking them is a reason enough to not liking some1 already. all we can do is just push on.

heart and soul

2005-11-30T03:44:00.000+11:00

read my own blog 2day, it looked like something written by someone jaded to cynicism, well, mayb i am.

mayb the world will be a bit better if every1 treat each other a bit better, just a bit more understanding, a bit more tolerance, a bit more good will. i know how easy it is to fill ur heart with hate and bitterness. some1 once said " when u stare into the darkness, the darkness stares back at u." it is only when we lack faith in ourselves, we start doubting others.

mayb it is true, once we have gone down that road of cynicism, we can not return to wat we once were, but we have not lost ourselves to the darkness, i believe there is still a part of us, no matter how small, is still good and is capable of loving others and being loved. that is our very soul.

i believe firmly and deeply, no matter how jaded we become to cynicism, we will not and can not lose our soul. so, even if you are cynical to the core, have faith in urself, believe in the kindness of your heart.

follow up

2005-11-28T23:12:00.000+11:00

dis is really a follow up of my previous post. i was worried some1 might think my mom is a horrible mom, no she isn't, she is great, if anything i'm the bad son.

dis is important to me, my mom raised me all by herself, my dad left us when i was still a kid, we only got re-united when i was 8/9 years old when we went to the philippines (god, its a lot harder to write dis than i thought), i remember my mom bringing me to piano lessons, i remember the orange i had as a christmas present, hehe, and she told me if i didn't went for the afternoon nap, i wouldn't have gotten it. (its still kinda funny, just to think about it) i remember the time she got so mad at me when she found out i stole the cigarette of my grandad and smoked it wif my cousin, and they made me knee on the washing board, i remember how worried she was when i was hit by the motorbike, i remember how worried she was when i cut myself wif the scissor. she has always been a good mom like every other mom who really gave everything for their children.

the real trouble is that i think i've come to an age where i need to have a life of my own without my parents constantly telling me wat they think i should do, god i love my parents, i wish i can be rich enough to provide them wif a happy retirement, a condo somewhere, wit health care, a private nurse and everything, i love them but i just can't live with them, i don't know why, but i guess dis is how i am? but i felt guilty letting them know all dis, and thre is just no way i can let them know wat i think, because i can't explain dis feeling to them, they deserve every right to demand anything from me, i guess i'm being selfish, but i need to live my life, a life for the sake of life is meaningless. if i can't have my own dreams and life then my life is meaningless.

p.s. nobody do anything stupid like telling my parents wat i think, too many times ppl tried to do things for my "own good" and always ends up making it worse than it is.

my emotion diary - episode 1

2005-11-26T15:43:00.000+11:00

i'm not a particularly emotional person, i usually do not allow my emotion to influence my reasoning and logic. but we are humans after all, and i hope this diary mayb can help me to understand my self a bit better. also mayb writing this in a public space will also help raise my self-esteem, eventhough i have the skin of a concrete elephant but i guess too much self-esteem can't be bad.

i remember one day a long time ago, me and my mom was just sitting on our couch, we were just watching honkie drama series, i remember she laughed and i laughed because she laughed, i think thats was as close as we got as mother and son. and now i can't even have a decent conversation wif my mom, without her telling me wats wrong wif my life and wat should i do about it.

when i was growing up, both my parents were always busy, i don't really spend anytime wif my parents, other than at dinner table, even then we just eat our food and then go on do our own thing. we dont have any family day or etc. basically my parents have let me grow up on my own, which wasn't really that bad. i spend a lot of time with my barkada (err... can be translated as crew?we dont break dance though) actually a lot of them is a bit like me, we dont really have a fulfilling family life. i guess in hind sight mayb thats why i cant get along wif my mom anymore, because she started to take interest, she started to intefere with my life, mostly because i came here, funny isn't it? only when i'm not there she starts to want to arrange my life. but when i was sitting at the dinner table and my mind is thousands of miles away, it was alright...

sometime i miss the day when we just sit on the couch and watched her drama series, i guess that is the only time when she didn't mind me being the way i am, when she didn't really take an interest in wat i do........ t..s..k, t..s..k, t..s..k......

constructive elements

2005-11-21T19:52:00.000+11:00

i don't really like to rant, so i decided to put some constructive element into my blog. HOWEVER, dis does not mean i won't dish out stuff if something annoys me. and u all heard the saying, the dog that barks dont bite? well dis "dog" don't bark - at all -, so ppl beware, hehe

(on a side note, i was born in the year of the dog, how odd? actually it would be a lot more strange if i was born in the year of rooster or year of the rat...)

anyway, wat i really want to talk about is, "which is tougher? being a man or being a woman?"

first all, i'm not goin to list pros and cons, because man and woman are different, so the two gender does not have anything that can be compared with. for example, man does not have periods, if man is capable of having periods then we can compare it with the female's, but because we can't so we wont.

so knowin that, the only comparison that can be made is by comparing within our own gender, so if we set some kind of standard for woman and man then we can compare the ratio of man and woman that is above or below the set standard. (let it sink in, it will make sense eventually)

but, it is hard to set a particular standard, because in choosing a standard for man and woman then we need to find an equivalent male and an equivalent female, but since we can't compare the male and female in the first place such standard just wouldn't make sense or be fair.

after all that, the only thing that can be concluded is " its harder to be a man, if u don't know how to act like a man, and its easier to be a woman if you know how to act like a woman".

is it constructive enough? wat did u expect? a life lesson? hehe, nothing in life is free, u got to ficgure out things on ur own.

bato bato sa langit

2005-11-20T15:24:00.000+11:00

read my frends blog 2day, he was talking about how the greatest struggle is within oneself, how war isn't just wat we see on tv and news, and the only way to win against the war is to choose to fight the demon within us.

bfeh, all he did was makes me remember an old saying - "sinews of war, endless money".

once something is done once, its easier to do it again especially with war. i have never realized how true it is. the cold, hard fact is war can not be stoped by reason, and u are asking for the impossible when u say "lets all try to be a better person, each and everybody.... " its stupid and naive, and a SHIT LOAD OF CRACK!!! and i dont care even if u meant well, or if i hurt ur feelings, u r my frend and i'm telling u to stop this stupid ass shit now!! no - one !!! NOT ONE single person will benefit from such sentiment. aha, at this point some of u out there might think, well if i can reach at least 1 person, make 1 person a bettter person it will be worth it. WRONG!! wat u doin is sending them out there to be slaughtered. so if u think u are making the world a better place, think again! u are doin more damage than good.

alright, alright i know u meant well, but u need to think about it a bit more, be a bit more realistic and down to earth, things not gonna change because u have good moral fiber. things will only change when u are in a rare position of power to change things or to improve thing, these usually meant u have to get ur hands dirty and sometime even shake hands with the devil. every man that changed history are all ruthless men with chilling determination to get things done no matter wat, even if it means selling their own dear mom, and no mistake!!

u cant change things by being mr. goody - 2 - shoes, u got to have a bit of a cunt in u to survive in dis world, let alone helping others.

death penalty

2005-11-19T20:35:00.000+11:00

a lot of ppl probably have heard about the "about to be executed in 2 weeks" of a viet - australian man in singapore for drug smuglin. personally i'm still un-decided on death penalty, although i do lean a bit towards no-death penalty. its always hard with these kind of things, both sides have very good arguments, and i'm just happy i'm not the one to be executed.

one thing that happend, was the massive reaction from the australians. there was rally for nguyen, call for boycott of singapore products, call for MORE government intervention, support from all sort of groups, religious or secular. a huge reaction and support for a confessed criminal. but i'm telling u now, its all BULLSHIT !! these ppl don't give a shit about the life or death of a criminal, wat these ppl really want is to show who is the boss. they couldn't have said it clearer "its not the indonesian, not the malaysian and certainly not the singaporeans." think about dis, if ur frend have done something that opposite of wat ur opinions is, will u go as far as telling him to do wat u want or otherwise u'll tell about the time when he cheated on his wife? its called black -mail it does not solve anything, its not goin to change ur frend, its not goin to do any good except make u feel like u have the power over him. see my point? tsk tks.... and they wonder why foreign relation is so strained......

on another note, religious group should never be concerned with politics, there is no reasoning to a mob of religious fanatics, its either their way or the pitchforks. tch !!

torpedo the fishing boat

2005-11-16T20:34:00.000+11:00

was at work 2day, i heard dis dick head complaining over the radio about how indonesian fishermen is crossing over into australian sea. if wasn't for the fact tat i'm working at the time i would've called in and gave him a piece of my mind.

i'm still feeling pretty raw about it, i honestly hope to god u read dis, although i doubt some1 with ur intelligence would be able to find ur own ass with an atlas, let alone navigate the internet.

first of all, do u know how much these ppl have to put up with just to come out and fish? do u have any idea how much they make, the condition they live in, the family members they have to support, and the amount of dickheads (such as urself) they have to deal with on a DAILY BASIS?!

and once in the sea, how the fuck do u know if u crossed into australian water? there's a line drawing in the ocean is it? u can see the chalk lining can u? u fucker. these ppl don't have gps! or high tech navigation system that tells them everytime they cross into australian water that they are annoying the hell out of some1 who probably work 2 days and week and then spend the rest of the week complaining about how indonesian fishermen is steling their jobs !! u pompous dick !
wat makes me really angry is the following statement : " ..... but most of them have crossed more than once, they come here, and steal our livelihood. we should torpedo their boats....... " how the hell did u know most of them have crossed multiple times? did u pull out ur small notebook and record how many times each one of them crosses over have u?

torpedo they boats u say? u fucking retard, wat if instead of asking the government to make torpedos and firing it and blowing up everyhting in the process, use the money to feed everybody, even in-bred asshole like urself?

there, i feel much better.

punctuations

2005-11-16T01:35:00.000+11:00

i'm horrible at punctuations. if u have read some of my reports, writings, letters, u'll see i put punctuation marks almost anywhere in the sentence beginning, middle, end, anywhere !! and most of them probably isn't in the right place as well. its like that game pinning the donkey's tail, in my case, i'm not just blind foldded but also already had a bit of drink before hand.

so if punctuations are important to u, then u should either have a few drinks b4 u read my blogs or don't read my blogs at all.

50 cents per fuck

2005-11-15T23:45:00.000+11:00

its not fuck as in fornicate but fuck as a expression.

couple of days ago, i was at a frend's house, and they told me they have dis house rule, the princple of this rule is who ever says something rude (hmmm... i wonder if rude gestures counts?) have to put 50 cents in the public donation fund and by the end of the month, they will use that money to treat themselves to something nice, like a nice dinner or possibly a cake. i must admit it seemed like an grand idea, u get to fuck and get to treat urself by the end of the month, and i was musing on this when i suddenly remember one of the urban legend as to where fuck comes from, apparently it comes from the acronym, fornication under consent of the king. so back in the old days in england, whenever ppl need to have sex, they ask for their king's permission. if this happens to be true (obviously not, for all english ppl that happens to read dis), then the king is effectively the protector of the english gene pool and he is directly responsible for the physical appearance of his subjects. so if a king decided to surround himself with tall, big and sturdy ppl then all the farmers will need to fuck at least twice every hour. while all the scholasr are forbidden to masturbate at the very least.

actually this explaination can even go as far as to explain why the english ppl are generally considered as sea-faring ppl and excellent soldiers. well, look at it dis way, if u can't get enough sex, all that pent up sexual frustration gotta go somewhere (try not to masturbate/sex for a week and u'll know what the fuck i'm talking about), how else to release all that frustration other than killing some one with extreme prejudice?

as for the sea-faring bit, if in a country where every1 is queueing up to become farmers, wat are the other professions u got? haha, no, not really, but if u are denied sex, then being trapped in a wooden bath tub filled with smelly men will be like doctor's prescription for sexual starvation, doc : " its the third time dis week, still no permission granted? well, take dis prescription down to the royal navy, a apple a day and plenty of fresh air, and come back nxt year for further examination."

based on urban legend

http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/fuck.htm