my emotion diary - episode 1

i'm not a particularly emotional person, i usually do not allow my emotion to influence my reasoning and logic. but we are humans after all, and i hope this diary mayb can help me to understand my self a bit better. also mayb writing this in a public space will also help raise my self-esteem, eventhough i have the skin of a concrete elephant but i guess too much self-esteem can't be bad.

i remember one day a long time ago, me and my mom was just sitting on our couch, we were just watching honkie drama series, i remember she laughed and i laughed because she laughed, i think thats was as close as we got as mother and son. and now i can't even have a decent conversation wif my mom, without her telling me wats wrong wif my life and wat should i do about it.

when i was growing up, both my parents were always busy, i don't really spend anytime wif my parents, other than at dinner table, even then we just eat our food and then go on do our own thing. we dont have any family day or etc. basically my parents have let me grow up on my own, which wasn't really that bad. i spend a lot of time with my barkada (err... can be translated as crew?we dont break dance though) actually a lot of them is a bit like me, we dont really have a fulfilling family life. i guess in hind sight mayb thats why i cant get along wif my mom anymore, because she started to take interest, she started to intefere with my life, mostly because i came here, funny isn't it? only when i'm not there she starts to want to arrange my life. but when i was sitting at the dinner table and my mind is thousands of miles away, it was alright...

sometime i miss the day when we just sit on the couch and watched her drama series, i guess that is the only time when she didn't mind me being the way i am, when she didn't really take an interest in wat i do........ t..s..k, t..s..k, t..s..k......